I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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