Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
