sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
