i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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