i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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