We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
nutella sex= disaster
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
