I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Randomize
