I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
