he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
birth control should be required to get into college
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
