How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
