i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Randomize
