Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
