I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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