Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
