Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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