Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
