Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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