I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
