I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
