Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
