god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
