May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
