why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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