i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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