That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
