So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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