Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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