you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
