I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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