You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i out mim tonsoeep
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