I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
