I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
