I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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