and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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