just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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