I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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