Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
