so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
