My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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