so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
