he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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