It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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