my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
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