If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
