I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
