cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize