just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
