i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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