I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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