'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
