I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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