party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
