i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
