you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize