There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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