How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
