You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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