jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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