do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
