i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize