with your own penis?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
