Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
