Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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