peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
