so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We got so high we made milksteak
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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