You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
