so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
do herpes really smell.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
