I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
