How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Randomize
