I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
