Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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