I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
