Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
