Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
