Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
