we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
try to milk me bitch
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