When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize